Friday, August 27, 2010
Friday, August 20, 2010
Something different
Two great white sharks, swimming in the ocean, spied survivors of a sunken ship.
"Follow me, son." the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people.
"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing."
And they did.
"Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing."
And they did.
"Now we eat everybody."
And they did.
When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?"
His wise father replied, "Because they taste better without the poop inside!"
"Follow me, son." the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people.
"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing."
And they did.
"Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing."
And they did.
"Now we eat everybody."
And they did.
When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?"
His wise father replied, "Because they taste better without the poop inside!"
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Interesting
Just been through and added another blog post into IBS (Instant Blog Subscribers) for a bunch of specials from the Microsoft catalog. Updated Dr Sears blog, finally got around to updating the Tech Blog and the Affiliate Nightmare Blog, now for some serious stuff :-)
"When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way,
you will command the attention of the world."
George Washington Carver
you will command the attention of the world."
George Washington Carver
Money Magnets: http://tinyurl.com/2d97c3c
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Quick update
Fractions EBook.:
The 53 Biggest Self-Publishing Pitfalls And How To Avoid Them.:
The Google Traffic Pump System - Traffic In 15 Minutes.:
The ergonomic Orbita Mouse is a USB wireless rotating round mouse designed to enhance navigation in a wide range of Mac and PC applications.
The 53 Biggest Self-Publishing Pitfalls And How To Avoid Them.:
The Google Traffic Pump System - Traffic In 15 Minutes.:
The ergonomic Orbita Mouse is a USB wireless rotating round mouse designed to enhance navigation in a wide range of Mac and PC applications.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
And now CHILLI :-) an oldy, but still put a smile on my face
This is an actual account as relayed to paramedics at the 2006 chili cook-off in San Antonio , Texas .
Please note, Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield , IL
Frank: 'Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table, asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy; and, besides, they told me I could have free beer! during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge 3.'
Here are the scorecard notes from the event:
CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI
Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.
CHILI # 2 - AUSTIN 'S AFTERBURNER CHILI
Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.
CHILI # 3 - FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI
Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting sh*t-faced from all of the beer.
CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC
Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb. woman is starting to look HOT ... just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?
CHILI # 5 - LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER
Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw them.
CHILI # 6 - VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY
Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself when I farted, and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.
CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about judge number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing. It's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.
CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor feller, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?
Judge # 3 - No Report
Please note, Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield , IL
Frank: 'Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table, asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy; and, besides, they told me I could have free beer! during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge 3.'
Here are the scorecard notes from the event:
CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI
Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.
CHILI # 2 - AUSTIN 'S AFTERBURNER CHILI
Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.
CHILI # 3 - FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI
Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting sh*t-faced from all of the beer.
CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC
Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb. woman is starting to look HOT ... just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?
CHILI # 5 - LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER
Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw them.
CHILI # 6 - VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY
Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself when I farted, and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.
CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about judge number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing. It's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.
CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor feller, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?
Judge # 3 - No Report
Friday, July 16, 2010
A bunch of new titles
The Rules of work
Traders Guns and Money
Simple Dollar, The: How One Man Wiped Out His Debts and Achieved the Life of His Dreams
---------------------------------------------
Doing Both: How Cisco Captures Today's Profit and Drives Tomorrow's Growth
Capitalism at the Crossroads: Next Generation Business Strategies for a Post-Crisis World
Buying at the Point of Maximum Pessimism: Six Value Investing Trends from China to Oil to Agriculture
"Dreaming is an act of pure imagination, attesting in all
men a creative power, which if it were available in waking,
would make every man a Dante or Shakespeare."
H.F. Hedge
men a creative power, which if it were available in waking,
would make every man a Dante or Shakespeare."
H.F. Hedge
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Advert-fessionals.. heres a beauty..
Before I forget - theres another great new TE just launching - Advert-Fessionals.
FREE JV membership and $1.95 upgrade to super JV..cant beat that.
FREE JV membership and $1.95 upgrade to super JV..cant beat that.
Sunday Morning..
This new Ad site looks promising:
Parenting Book - How To Parent Together!: http://tinyurl.com/26ow9or
Tarot Card Reading Secrets.: http://tinyurl.com/2eqp2cb
Theory is when you know everything but nothing is working.
Organization is when nothing is working but everyone knows why.
Practice is when everything is working but no one knows why.
Organization is when nothing is working but everyone knows why.
Practice is when everything is working but no one knows why.
Oh and i almost forgot this new site....
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Unable to post today.....
Unfortunately cannot contribute any jokes today as something has crashed on my computer
and the mouse is missing......
Thursday, June 24, 2010
A few new things..
Theres a few new things I've added to APSense - check these out....
informa Training Conferences
Daily Gizmo
Strategies to Increase Profits and Build Loyalty
also theres some brand new AD Exchanges I'm trying out - I'll let you know how they go!!!
If you want to try them out click the banners below - they are free to join and offer some really good Advertising from what I have seen so far...
Infinity ads andf Fast trrack traffic are both from a fellow named Kenneth Krakstad
.. Extreme text ads has unlimited daily HTML ads available, I will use these sites for a while then critique them in my APSense group .
informa Training Conferences
Daily Gizmo
Strategies to Increase Profits and Build Loyalty
also theres some brand new AD Exchanges I'm trying out - I'll let you know how they go!!!
If you want to try them out click the banners below - they are free to join and offer some really good Advertising from what I have seen so far...
Infinity ads andf Fast trrack traffic are both from a fellow named Kenneth Krakstad
.. Extreme text ads has unlimited daily HTML ads available, I will use these sites for a while then critique them in my APSense group .
A midget fortune teller was sent to prison, but managed to escape. The next day the headlines said, 'Small medium at large'
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Interesting tips for the Human body :-)
It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach. One human hair can support 3kg (6.6 lb).
The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb.
Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.
A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.
There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
Women blink twice as often as men.
The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.
Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.
If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.
Women reading this will be finished now.
Men are still busy checking their thumbs.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
New Banners setup :-)
Ive just been playing with a Free Banner maker from Mike G. (info on the Affiliate Adventure website).
And heres the initial results:
It is interesting to play around with your own advertising banners, even if they are static..
Learn how to at Affiliate Adventure, maybe it will help you advertise your business...
And heres the initial results:
It is interesting to play around with your own advertising banners, even if they are static..
Learn how to at Affiliate Adventure, maybe it will help you advertise your business...
Saturday, May 29, 2010
New stuff
I've added a few blogs to APsense recently that might be found interesting:
Google spam filters
What is a Business Plan?
so please forgive if I haven't been updating this page regularly.
Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
Google spam filters
What is a Business Plan?
so please forgive if I haven't been updating this page regularly.
Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Social web site surfing.. what a great idea.
There is a great new site opened up called SWEEVA.
This site is like nothing I have seen before, it's a social web site browsing site, that allows you to comment on other peoples websites and blogs, and if yours is shown people can comment on yours.
The interesting thing is that many people see your site at the same time, sometimes several hundred at once.
The site has been running for maybe 2 weeks now and already has over 7000 members and growing.
I Highly recommend SWEEVA if you want your site seen or comments on how it can be improved..
Have a great day.
This site is like nothing I have seen before, it's a social web site browsing site, that allows you to comment on other peoples websites and blogs, and if yours is shown people can comment on yours.
The interesting thing is that many people see your site at the same time, sometimes several hundred at once.
The site has been running for maybe 2 weeks now and already has over 7000 members and growing.
I Highly recommend SWEEVA if you want your site seen or comments on how it can be improved..
Have a great day.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
The cuckoo clock
Jill was invited out for a night with the girls. She told her husband that she would be home by midnight, “I promise!”
Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy. Around 3 AM, a bit worse for wear, Jill headed for home.
Just as she got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing her husband would probably wake up, she “cuckooed” another 9 times.
Jill was really proud of herself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him.
(Even when totally smashed she knew 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT!)
The next morning Jill’s husband asked, “What time did you get in?”
“Midnight” said Jill. He didn’t seem concerned at all. Whew! Got away with that one!
Then he said, “We need a new cuckoo clock.”
When she asked him why, he said, “Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then it said, “Oh ****.” cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, then tripped over the coffee table and farted.
Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy. Around 3 AM, a bit worse for wear, Jill headed for home.
Just as she got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing her husband would probably wake up, she “cuckooed” another 9 times.
Jill was really proud of herself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him.
(Even when totally smashed she knew 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT!)
The next morning Jill’s husband asked, “What time did you get in?”
“Midnight” said Jill. He didn’t seem concerned at all. Whew! Got away with that one!
Then he said, “We need a new cuckoo clock.”
When she asked him why, he said, “Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then it said, “Oh ****.” cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, then tripped over the coffee table and farted.
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