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Tuesday, September 18, 2012

International Talk Like A Pirate Day

September 19 be "International Talk Like a Pirate Day" AARRGG


A little video to help you on your way matey.




[All Hope Abandon, Ye Who Enter Here] 




Sunday, September 16, 2012

ONLY A MAN WOULD ATTEMPT THIS

Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer.

The effects of the Tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety...??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home... I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.

Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Tazer in another.

The directions said that: 

  • a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant;
  • a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and
  • a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. 

Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side so as to say, ' Don 't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.

I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and...

WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. WHAT THE... !!!

I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs! The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note:
If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer,
one note of caution:

There is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor!
A three second burst would be considered conservative! 

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.
· My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.
· The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was.
· My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.
· My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.
· I had no control over the drooling.
· Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of smell was gone.
· I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair.
I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!

PS: My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it!

If you think education is difficult, try being stupid!!!! 




Sunday, September 9, 2012

5 Things You Need To Promote





This is a Great article published By Larry Johnson on IBO Tool Box, that I thought worthy of reproducing here as a reminder.  Left Intact with Larry's links so you can show your support.




 



5 Things You Need To Promote
By Larry Johnson

 I have always been impressed with those webmasters and others on line who do such a great job of promoting their business.

If two more-or-less equally skilled persons start a business on the internet, how is it that one of them does great and the other fails?

They must have some secret weapon that I haven't discovered yet. At least that is what I used to think, but I was wrong.

Here are 5 characteristics with which I believe anyone can improve their promotional efforts. These are present in most all successful on line workers.

- Organization

Basically, they have a plan that they use each week to approach the task of promotion of their business.

Something as simple as a checklist of tasks and activities for each day of the week.

A simple system that they use each day, and it keeps them on track...away for distractions.

I had a good friend who used to say, "Plan your work, and work your plan".

She was a very successful business woman that followed her own advice.

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- Consistency

They have surveyed lot of on line methods and determined the ones they will use. Once they have selected those methods they stay with them.

They don't jump around each day or so looking for the "magic bullet" with which to promote.

Hard work and consistency are keys in the daily activities of the successful on line worker.

- Determination

They aren't easily swayed by the latest email offer on line. Although they are open to new changes and software that can improve their efficiency.

They are not distracted to the point they lose momentum in their weekly checklist of activities and tasks.

I'll have to admit that email is a big distracter for me. If I would spend as much time promoting as I do with email, I would do a lot better job.

- Helpfulness

I think I see this attitude of wanting to share and be helpful to others in most all of the ones who have made it 'big" on line.

Reaching back and giving a hand to someone to help them up the hill seems to come easily to many of them.

I believe it was Zig Ziglar who said, "You can have anything you want as long as your willing to help others get what they want".

It's a good philosophy we might all adopt.

- Faith

They believe in themselves and what they are selling. They know that their product or service is good and many will benefit from it.

They are never involved in anything that is shady, or illegal. They seem to make a great effort to select and promote legitimate items and services.

I respect that in them.

- Larry

Note: (This article may be reprinted in your newsletter or on your site by leaving the resource below box intact.)

About the Author: Work Smarter Not Harder- Get your Fr*ee Guide to "Website Automation" a terrific 25-page ebook full time-saving resources.

Source:  www.isnare.com
Permanent Link:  www.isnare.com/?aid=165600&ca=Marketing

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